While fighting with our dark shades, I get numb whenever he looks at me. The kind of touch his eyes have makes me grow crazier each time. Who says he doesn’t love me? He is madly in love but surely not like me. Certainly, love has no comparisons, then why do I compare irresistibly?
I figured out the reasons with time. During an instance, one of my friends was amazingly enquired with a situational query?
“What kind of guy should Priyanshi get according to you?”
“The one who can take care of her like a child. She makes each one feel important insignificant of the gestures; she never places herself. First, I have seen her selfless. She has craved for a particular kind of love, and I wish she gets someone who could fill that place.”
I had tears during the entire conversation. The reason I have a particular reaction and also the reason my worth is diminishing. Geeta knew what I searched; which was hidden from me as well. How funny it all became. I remember the time he took that care and I was glowing for exactly a month. The little things I have always craved. I don’t blame him but the difficulty in understanding of each bend.
There might be someone who doesn’t want me to be in his life, and so it is happening. We are getting distracted by our dissimilarities.
I remember one time when I was a mention with an order.
“My relationships should not get affected, EVER, because of you!”
I never understood the meaning. I never poked Shashank’s warmth with anyone, never questioned his desires, never went into money matters, never tried to chuck anyone, kept my differences with myself, never tried to stop him and never tried to hoard my sixth sense. But I was a culprit. I was repeatedly asked to take care of the relationships. An EVER shook my existence.
Mockingly I was becoming a tag already. Because of Priyanshi the relationship with Shashank got messy. She is not the right match.
In between the judgments I lost my cherry blossom smile. And, Shashank was not at fault. It was me always. In each fight, in each desire, and during each thread, blamed endlessly with the unidentified questions.
Now I challenge myself each day. Amidst the circle I have, why only a minor group effects? Where they forget to appreciate, congratulate, tags and makes a situation severe. Just because I loved a guy more than my limitations, I suppressed my identity for a group who mocked at me at some point or the other?
I don’t know the method of recollection. And, I wish to take a shelter in Shashank’s world, but I am thrown out without faults. I don’t blame if he feels the same as well. Probably it is all destiny. A fate which I never thought.
I believed in a click. Love is when you click with a person. But I received hate. While making a place in someone else’s world, my self-respect got slaughtered. And no one tried to regain. Not even myself.
Let’s just agree that I was wrong. And each one will be happy. A moment when I hate the concept of LOVE.